Being Healthy

January 2013 I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). The only symptoms I had at the time of diagnosis was irregular periods, acne (I had never had it before), and a painful cyst pretty much every cycle. I had dealt with cysts on my ovaries since I was 16 so when I heard the diagnosis of PCOS I thought "okay that makes sense" I have always gotten cysts so this was an explanation for that. Little did I know PCOS is so much more than having cysts. In fact, a lot of people who are diagnosed have never even had a problem cyst.

 Like I said in my last post, my health has really declined in the last 6 months or so. I have gained a good 30 pounds since last November, most of the weight was gained in a 6 month period. I find myself exhausted at the end of a work day. I was sleeping any chance I got. I would sit down to watch a movie with John on a Sunday afternoon and no matter how hard I tried I would fall asleep within 10 minutes. On top of that, physically, I am just drained most days. I can be irritable (poor John). My anxiety can get out of control. I wanted answers, I just dealt with it for quite a while, but then realized it was not normal. I went and saw a Doctor again, and she explained to me that some of these symptoms are probably attributed to PCOS and the medications I was currently on.

After meeting with her I started researching a lot about it and learned that everything I am suffering from is simply because I have PCOS and I have not been treating it correctly. It's something that should be taken very seriously and I really haven't.. at all. PCOS is actually pretty common. 1 in 10 women have it, and the symptoms can affect everyone completely different.

PCOS is not just "having cysts on your ovaries." PCOS is an endocrine system disorder.

"The endocrine system is a network of glands that produce and release hormones that help control many important body functions, especially the body's ability to change calories into energy that powers cells and organs. The endocrine system influences how your heart beats, how your bones and tissues grow, even your ability to make a baby. It plays a vital role in whether or not you develop diabetes, thyroid disease, growth disorders, sexual dysfunction, and a host of other hormone-related disorders." -WebMD

PCOS completely affects my hormones. Especially insulin. Which is why a lot of women who have PCOS are also diabetic (thankfully I have not gotten to this point). My body does not use sugar the way it's supposed to. This explains the weight i've gained. After meeting with a hormone specialist and getting my blood work done, it was completely obvious that my hormones were out of wack. I did not have even one test come back in the "normal" target range. This explains the exhaustion, depression (I've dealt with this for years so never thought it could be linked with PCOS), anxiety, and everything else that has been making me miserable for the last year or more. PCOS can also cause "male" hair growth, like facial or chest hair, it can cause infertility, can lead to diabetes if not taken seriously, high blood pressure, and can even be linked to Uterine Cancer because of the exposure of high levels of estrogen. 

Luckily the symptoms I have experienced are mild compared to some cases. That being said, it doesn't mean that my symptoms don't make me miserable a lot of the time.  It's annoying having to remember to take medication and supplements 5 times a day, it's even more annoying waiting to see if the medicine I am taking is even going to help improve the symptoms I struggle with everyday. It's been 3 months since I started working with a hormone specialist and i'm just barely starting to see slight improvement in some areas.  It's really frustrating when you tell someone that your exhausted at 8:00 at night and they pretty much tell you to suck it up because no one can really be that tired when they got 8-10 hours of sleep the night before. A lot of the time these people don't know that i'm struggling and that there is a reason that I actually am exhausted and don't ever want to go out and do anything. But their words still sting a little.  It's scary not knowing if, when we decide to start trying to get pregnant, if it's even going to be possible for me.   I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I don't. I could be battling far worse things in my life. PCOS is common, and lots of women live with it. However, I do want people to know that there is a reason that I am tired, that sometimes I just need to stay home and go to bed, there is a reason I was acting like a raging mad woman, and there is a reason why even the slightest comment can hurt my feelings, make me cry, or send me straight in to an anxiety attack.  PCOS can be managed and most women can go about their daily lives. I'm working on getting there. At this time, I am doing all that I can to manage it. The point of this post was to lead in to my second New Years resolution which is focusing on my overall health. I need to tweak my diet. Most people with PCOS are finding that gluten free, dairy free, even the paleo diet is helping them drastically I need to figure out what works for me and makes me feel the best. I also want to exercise on a regular basis. Even just going for long walk. I don't want PCOS to control my life like I have let it for the last year and half. 

[[New Years resolution # 2: Be healthy.]]

Loving Myself

Last night I had a mini break down. I don't feel like i'm improving in areas that I have been striving to be better in. 

For the last year and a half I have struggled with my overall health. The last 6 months I have really declined.. because of this I am constantly tired and have no motivation to do anything. So last night as I was sorting laundry, John happened to walk in from work. I lost it. I cried and cried because all I wanted was to go to bed (it was only 7:30), but I knew I had to get some laundry done, we pretty much have no clean clothes, the dishes are piled up and i'm pretty sure our floor has not been swept in weeks. I was so frustrated. I wanted to get all these things done but my body was just telling me I couldn't. John was so sweet, he just wrapped me up in his arms and told me how much improvement HE thinks i've made, that he knows OTHERS have seen the improvements too.

That's all I needed..

 I know I am my biggest critic. I am too hard on myself. The things I am currently battling are out of my control, I need to remember this. I am doing my best. I am working on becoming healthy. There are some areas I need to "work" a little harder but I just needed a little reassurance. I'm so grateful that John got off of work earlier than usual because I needed him there at that exact time. 

He is such a wonderful husband. He is sensitive when I need him to be, he's patient, he's supportive, he loves me no matter what, and most importantly, he reminds me that I need to love myself. 

((New Years Resolution #1: Be positive and love myself.))

 “The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I'm not going to let myself pull me down anymore.” 

― C. JoyBell C.